


share you like an island

by JudeAraya



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dirty Talk, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hook-Up, M/M, Oops, Strangers to Lovers, but are youtubers, in manchester, they just haven't met, tripped into feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:13:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22333975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudeAraya/pseuds/JudeAraya
Summary: When Phil gets picked up by a beautiful boy at a uni party, he's expecting a one night stand.What he doesn't expect is to keep falling into bed with the boy with a reputation.  Who turns out to also be a youtuber. Who somehow becomes his best friend. It's not complicated.Until it kinda is.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 116
Kudos: 302





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [karcathy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/karcathy/gifts).



> This was meant to be a oneshot birthday fic for [cat](https://karcathy.tumblr.com/%20rel=) that kind of...got out of hand. 
> 
> So now we're doing the 6 days of cat-mas, posting a chapter a day up until cat's birthday! Here's the fic you either never knew you needed or always wanted: a 6 part story meant to fulfill some deep needs expressed for more slutty dan fic. 
> 
> This is 100% a no slut shaming zone!

Phil felt abysmally old. He’d not done a uni party in ages. His final year of uni had been so busy with the intense workload he’d not gone to a single one that he could remember. Which wasn’t a hardship since he’d always kind of hated these things anyway. Despite this, it was a Friday night and Jimmy had somehow convinced him he just _had_ to come, that there would be loads of single guys there (Phil thought this was most likely bullshit) and that Phil needed a break from being holed up in his apartment alone. 

Maybe the latter was true, but Phil was deeply sceptical of what the outcome of the evening would be—either what Jimmy envisioned for him or what he wanted. Phil had no idea whose apartment he was in and other than Jimmy, didn’t see a single person he knew. Ultimately, he’d chosen to prop up a wall in the living room, nurse a sweet drink (at least Jimmy had the decency to make him drinks he’d like) and people watch. Maybe he could spin this into a funny video. At least the people watching was good, even if the music was ear splitting and it was balls hot in the apartment. 

The only thing that really caught his eye was a boy across the room from him, near the kitchen. Initially he’d stood out because he was so tall. Phil was generally the tallest in a room, even when he slouched. What really kept Phil’s interest though was the way Phil could read the flirtation through every line of his long body as he chatted up a lad even though this boy had his back turned to Phil. Whoever boy was, he telegraphed his moves in the way he tilted it toward the speaker, the way he touched them lightly but with confidence. A cupping of the elbow, a flirty push when he laughed. Unfortunately for Flirty, Phil could tell without hearing that Lad (and oh he was a lad with a capital L) was not interested. 

Phil’s eyes tracked elsewhere for a while. He finished his drink, appreciating the light buzz that made it easier to stand in a room of strangers not talking. 

“Wot, d’you not do fun?” a voice asked next to him. 

Phil jumped. “Christ, you can’t just sneak up on a man like that!” He put a hand over his pounding heart. 

“Mate, I walked straight up to you.” The boy was laughing. He was beautiful, with an expressive face and a dark brown fringe that fell long over his forehead. He had to constantly sweep it to the side, lest it cover his eye. Which Phil appreciated, as those eyes were almond and chocolate, the lovely shape of them almost tilted up at the corners. It was dim in the room but Phil could tell that brown would be deep and rich. 

“What’s a nice lad like you doing in a shithole like this?” he asked, bumping against Phil. Phil wanted to say it wasn’t a shithole out of an automatic desire to defend its owner, even if said owner was a stranger Phil hadn’t laid eyes on since arriving. But then a girl tripped over the rug and spilled beer all over the couch. Everyone laughed and yet no one made a move to clean it up. The sofa was torn and repaired with tape and everything smelled a little musty.

“My mate made me come,” Phil admitted. “He said I need human company and…”

“Hm,” Dan turned toward him fully. His pinky brushed the back of Phil’s hand. That and the power of those fucking gorgeous eyes sent chills raching down his spine. “And what?”

Phil looked away and bit his lip. The boy shifted closer. It was a question, a small test. Phil knew when he was being pulled, he wasn’t dumb. He didn’t move. Phil didn’t do this anymore, not really. He wanted something more real, more permanent. But then again, he’d never been propositioned by a boy so lovely and obviously out of his league. 

“Nothing.” Phil bit his lip. 

The kid laughed and ran his hand down Phil’s arm. His hand was huge and warm and Phil had to close his eyes because _wow_. It had been a _long_ time since he’d been with anyone but himself and his body was definitely making him aware of that. 

“What’s your name?” the boy asked. 

“Phil.”

“Dan,” he responded. Phil had an idea that Dan was even taller than him, but he still managed to look up into Phil’s eyes, to bite his lip and look so fucking tempting Phil’s breath went a little wonky. He almost crushed his nearly empty plastic cup when Dan tilted his head, exposing the long line of his lovely neck. Dan’s laugh was loud, more real than the effect he was going for. 

And that was it. Phil knew he was done for. Because Dan had the most adorable dimples he’d ever seen on another human and Phil was relatively sure that if he didn’t get to kiss them, he might die of lust. 

“Phil, can I ask you a question?” 

“‘Course.” Phil held his breath. 

“Are you drunk?” 

“What? No!” Why he felt defensive he’d never know. 

“Good. I like them sober and consenting,” Dan said, flashing those lovely dimples. “Listen, I’m in uni housing and it’s shit, my room is a tiny cell. D’you have a place?” 

“I have an apartment,” Phil said, a bit befuddled.

“We should go there,” Dan said, so low, low because he was pressed against Phil. The only think keeping them from being thigh to chest against each other was Phil’s stupid hand holding a stupid plastic cup.

“Yeah, okay,” Phil said on a low breath. 

“Go say goodbye to your mate,” Dan told him. “You don’t want him thinking you’ve been abducted, do you?”

“You always this bossy?” 

“If you want me to be,” Dan said with a wink. It was so cheesy Phil had to laugh. He scanned the room, found Jimmy and nodded toward him. 

“I’ll meet you by the door,” Phil said. He made his way over to Jimmy. “I’m going to go,” Phil told him. He’s already lost sight of Dan. 

“Leaving with Howell, are you?” Jimmy’s friend slurred. His eyes were a glassy. Jimmy swayed on his feet. They were both tits-up drunk.

“You know him?” Phil asked against his best interest. 

“Mate, everyone knows him, if you know what I mean.” 

“Phil, you sure? This isn’t your kind of thing,” Jimmy said, then burped. 

Phil rolled his eyes. He hated gossip and he didn’t much like other people interfering with his choices. Especially when they might have a point. But he was resolved to think with his dick for the rest of the night and if Phil was anything, he was stubborn. Phil and his cock were invested in a lovely boy with long limbs, large hands, and full, kissable lips. 

“I’ll see you later,” Phil said, throwing his cup away. 

Dan was at the door waiting. 

“Where’s your coat?” Phil asked, pulling his on. Dan had a cardigan on but nothing else. 

“Don’t have one,” Dan said lightly, like he didn’t care. “Some asshole lifted it from me a couple of weeks ago.” 

“That’s shit. Will you be all right?” Dan was already in the hallway, and Phil dutifully followed. 

“I’ve been so far.” Dan smiled like it wasn’t a big deal. 

Phil didn’t know what to say to that. 

“Scott giving you the gossip on me?” 

“Scott?” Phil asked. Dan pushed the exterior door open. It wasn’t drizzling so much as misting, paired with the kind of damp cold that chilled down to the bone. 

“Yeah, the guy with your mate?” Dan crossed his arms but shook his head when Phil went to take off his coat and offer it.

“I dunno. I’m not much for gossip.” 

“Whatever he said, ignore it. He’s just bitter. He has a small dick and is shite at giving head too.” 

Dan’s words startled a laugh out of Phil. They walked quickly in near silence. Dan’s eyes kept darting over toward Phil; Phil didn’t know him well enough to know what was going through his head, but they almost looked ...surprised. 

The walk was long enough that Phil almost started second guessing himself. Was this really a good idea? This really wasn’t a Phil sort of thing to do. Not any more. But every time he thought he’d back out, Dan would touch his hand, or look at him, all wide eyes and lips red bitten and heat would curl low and hot in Phil’s belly and chest. 

“So,” Dan said, toeing off his damp trainers at the door. “Roommate home?” 

“No, I live alone,” Phil said absently. Dan was shivering and pale with cold. “Want some dry clothes?” 

“You absolute spork,” Dan said on a laugh, eyes wide and disbelieving. “We came here to fuck, why would I be putting clothes _on_?”

And damn, there was that heat again, only bigger and more insistent and definitely much, much louder than Phil’s self preservation. “You make a good point,” he said. Dan dropped his cardigan where he stood and unbuckled his belt, causing Phil to inhale so sharply he began to cough. 

“You’re adorable, you know that?” Dan said. Phil didn’t respond; he couldn’t really, not with Dan pressing him back against the wall and kissing him with the sort of confidence it usually took Phil days of kissing to built up to. Dan’s lips were very sure, the way he licked into Phil’s mouth filthy and his hands spanning Phil’s hips knee-weakeningly large. Phil couldn’t think of anything but his own arousal, much less trifling things like self-consciousness. 

“Bedroom?” Phil gasped when Dan turned his attention to Phil’s neck, fingers deftly unbuckling Phil’s belt as well. 

“Well, if you insist,” Dan said. His eyes were bright and lips shining and plump. Phil was sure he’d never wanted anything or anyone quite so much in his whole life. 

“Yes.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is straight up sex. If you aren't in the mood for that, you can skip and pick back up at chapter three :D

Phil’s room was, as usual, a horrific mess. He hadn’t gone out expecting company—not bedroom company anyway. 

“Sorry I—” 

“As long as we can make it to your bed, I’m not fussed,” Dan said. He kicked a little pile of Phil’s clothes aside. 

“I’d say I’m not usually such a slob but…” Phil started.

“Mate, shut up,” Dan said on a laugh, pulling Phil toward him by his belt loops before tumbling him onto the bed. “Pants off.” 

“Oh, uh, yeah.” Phil cleared his throat. The haze of need and brilliant arousal had burned off a little in the treck from his door to his bedroom. In the too-bright lights, Phil could see just how utterly...him his bedroom was. How it was the room of an awkward introvert who still watched Buffy for comfort, was shite at folding his clothes, who had Muse concert posters on his wall. This room belonged to _real_ Phil, Phil who didn’t get pulled by gorgeous boys, who hadn’t had sex with anyone but himself in months. 

“You’re in your head,” Dan observed. He was still standing over the bed. His shirt was on the floor and his pants halfway off. 

“Maybe a little,” Phil said. His eyes tracked over the pale length of Dan’s thighs, the lovely bulge of his cock in ridiculous orange spotty pants. His body was was long but soft, with a hint of lovehandles Phil would love to bite. “Keep getting naked, I think it’s helping.” 

Dan laughed and shook his head. He stepped the rest of the way out of his skinny jeans, which shouldn’t have been sexy. The awkward stumbling only served to make him a little less intimidating and a lot more relatable, which was it’s own kind of sexy. Phil could get on board with that. 

“Here,” Dan said. He turned on the bedside lamp and then went to the door to switch off the overhead. “Better?”

“Setting the mood?” 

“ _I_ don’t need mood, I just need to get fucked,” Dan quipped. If it weren’t for the adorable dimples and the lovely flush patching his cheeks, Phil might have been put off by the words. But Dan made it seem...fun. Easy. 

“I could do that,” Phil said, bracing his hands on Dan’s thighs when Dan straddled him. He was heavy, solid and so close. Phil ghosted his finger over Dan’s dick, down to his balls, and watched as it swelled under his hideous pants. “What are these about?” 

Dan bit his lip. “I like a bit of the unexpected.” Dan traced Phil’s lips softly, then dragged his finger down Phil’s chin and over his Adams apple. “Is there anything you don’t like Phil?” 

“Plenty, I’m sure, but not in the way I think you mean.” Phil grabbed Dan’s free hand and brought it back to his mouth, biting the tips of his fingers before sucking one in, slow and deliberate, eyes on Dan’s the whole time. 

“You’ve beautiful eyes, you know that?” Dan said. “God, you’re fit.”

Phil squirmed, not always comfortable with praise. He really wasn’t all that fit. He had no way of knowing if Dan’s words were empty seduction or sincere, but Dan’s hard dick and wide, blown out eyes betrayed his very real arousal. 

“Kiss me,” Phil demanded, surprising himself. And so Dan did. 

They kissed for a long time, longer than Phil would have thought a pick-up from a party would want. Heavy, drugging kisses, with pauses to lavish nips and warm breath and wet, open mouthed attention to each other’s necks and shoulders. They paused only long enough to get Phil’s jeans off. And then everything was Dan, Dan heavy and laid out on him, lazily grinding against him. It felt good, all shivery hot and delicious, just short of a building up to orgasm kind of good. Time stretched long and slow with pleasure that spun and spun out until Dan’s hair was beginning to curl as it dampened with sweat, until their skin was tacky from the heat they were generating and Phil’s lips were tingling from overuse. 

Eventually Phil’s body was aching for more with enough insistence that he found himself with his hands inside Dan’s pants, clinging to his bum, begging. 

“What d’you want?” Dan whispered, biting down hard on Phil’s earlobe. Phil wasn’t generally very vocal in bed but, then again, he’d never slept with someone who’d discovered that ear biting turned him on so much. 

“At the risk- _ah_ ,” Phil gasped. “Of making a fool of myself, I have to admit it’s been so long I’d be pleased with anything.” 

“Condoms?” Dan asked. He propped himself up so their chests were no longer plastered together. Wanting throbbed hot and insistent between Phil’s legs. 

“Drawer,” Phil said, happy to let Dan take the lead. Dan found them and tore one off, then leaned back on his heels between Phil’s legs and looked at him for a long beat. Phil shifted, unsure if he liked being on display to a stranger. But then Dan’s big hands were running up his thighs, thumbs dipping under the material of his pants to trace the lines where thigh met pelvis, barely brushing his balls. He lifted his hips when Dan tugged his pants off, then hissed in a breath when Dan bit his hipbone, sucking a mark that would last for days. It hurt, but when Phil closed his eyes and let himself sink into the sensation, the sharp counterpoint of stinging struck a chord with the increasingly loud thrumming of desire. 

“Dan, _please._ ” 

“God, I love it when I can make a beautiful man beg,” Dan said against his skin. Phil threaded his fingers through Dan’s hair and tugged. 

“No need to be so smug,” he said. His laughter gave him a way though, as did Dan’s smile. 

“But isn’t it fun?” Dan was rolling a condom on him even as he spoke, and Phil couldn’t have answered for the life of him. His touch was utilitarian, but Phil’s cock was so starved for attention anything would have felt good by then. 

Later, when pressed, Phil would admit to Jimmy that when he said Dan blew his mind, he really meant it. Because he’d never, ever, had his dick sucked with such enthusiasm as it was that night. It wasn’t even about skill, although Dan had plenty of that. It was the obvious enjoyment, how much Dan seemed to love the teasing, the drawing out of pleasure, the sloppiness of the whole thing. 

These were things Phil loved about sex but never really got from hookups. How human and messy sex could be. How visceral and beautifully vulgar. How fun it could be when you let go. Phil had never really had that with anyone he’d not been with for a while. 

But Dan was so uninhibited, took so much obvious pleasure from Phil’s pleasure, from Phil’s body and sweat and gasping moans that it was impossible, ultimately, to have inhibitions. 

Not that he told Jimmy any of those details. 

Dan graciously gave Phil a while to recover after he came, wiping his spit slick chin with a shaking hand and an impish smile. He’d taken care of the condom, tying it off and plopping it on Phil’s bedside table. Which was probably disgusting but Phil could _not_ be arsed to care. 

“And you?” He asked after a bit. Dan was mouthing at his neck, cock hard against his hip. He wasn’t pressing though, just enjoying Phil. Even spent Phil’s body thrilled at the attention. 

“I want you to finger me,” Dan said without pause. “Can I ride your fingers?” 

“Fuck yeah,” Phil said on a laugh. 

“Lube?” Dan quirked an eyebrow. 

“Drawer,” Phil said, and laughed. “Coulda just grabbed it while you were in there already.” 

“Shut up you idiot,” Dan said and _oh_ it shouldn’t have sounded so fond, nor hit Phil so square in the chest. “I was focused on you.” 

“Well hand me some lube and we’ll see how you do now that it’s your turn.” 

Turned out, Dan did quite beautifully. He was true to his word. He had straddled Phil, spread his knees farther than Phil could ever have imagined—he was not remotely as flexible—and ridden Phil’s fingers as he added them one by one at Dan’s command. 

“Fuck,” Phil ran his free hand up Dan’s chest. He pinched Dan’s nipple and ignored the twinging discomfort of holding his wrist like it was, three fingers in Dan’s incredibly tight, warm, hole. “You are incredible.” 

“Oh, god, shut up,” Dan said, and it was okay because his hand was flying on his cock and his body was tensing as his own pleasure crested and then spilled over. Phil’s collarbone hurt from where Dan’s hand landed, holding himself up as he came, and came, and came. But the pain was worth it to watch how Dan bit his lip and closed his eyes and shook into the force of his orgasm. 

“Jesus you’re gorgeous.” Once he was sure Dan was done Phil eased his fingers out slowly, subtly flexing his wrist. Dan slumped on to him, post-orgasm dead weight even heavier than before. It was just a hook-up, and Phil knew that, and he was more than okay with it. Still, he put his arms around Dan and held him close while Dan came down. He didn’t seem to mind either, not with the way he snuggled in, face tucked into Phil’s neck.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> many thanks to Jane for finding some of my typos. If there are any more, they're always my fault. I am typo blind and am now writing this story while flat on my back, half asleep on muscle relaxers.

It was an odd thing, the way Dan lingered in the corners of Phil’s mind after that night. He’d be setting up to film a video and wonder what Dan might think of his channel, should he ever see it. He’d not gotten to spend a lot of time with Dan, but he seemed to have a good sense of humor. 

He’s be doing his laundry and think of the amusement on Dan’s face when Phil led him to his room. 

He’d be working, Muse blasting in the background and remember Dan in his arms, sleepy but chatty. 

“You like Muse? I like Muse.” 

“I guess I just have good taste,” Phil had said around a yawn. 

Dan had propped himself up on his elbow, hair a curling mess. Phil tugged on one. ‘Yeah, you do.” 

“You ought to keep it like this,” Phil said, fingers still in Dan’s hair. 

“Ugh, stop it’s awful.” 

Phil had stopped, because he knew what it was, to be self-conscious about something, regardless of what other people said. 

Dan kissed him then, a goodbye flavored kiss. “One for the road,” he’d whispered against Phil’s lips. 

Phil had watched Dan slip into his clothes, fiddling with his phone to call for a lift. 

“Dan?”

“Yeah?” Dan said absently, pushing at his hair and frowning at his phone. 

“I had a lot of fun. Thanks.” 

The look Dan gave him then was odd, surprised, like he’d been caught off-footed. 

“Yeah,” Dan had dimpled at him, “I did too.” 

There were times when Phil remembered that night, when he wished it could have gone on. Maybe just one more time. Or maybe that he’d even gotten a chance to get to know Dan because he seemed such a likeable guy. They were fleeting thoughts. Phil’s life was busy, time split between an internship he didn’t much like and working in his free time at his Youtube career. He really wanted to prove to his parents that he could make Youtube viable. Until he could cover his rent consistently, without their help, there really wasn’t any point. 

Midday, a month post meeting Dan, Phil went on a Starbucks run. He couldn’t really afford it, and he really had so much to do if he was going to post the video he’d been killing himself to finish this week. Desperation to get out of his house won over another hour at the computer though. It was a pretty foreign and unexpected feeling. 

Ten thousand times more unexpected, however, was finding himself in a queue behind none other than Dan. He was dressed more casually, a baggy black sweater with sleeves that hung past his fingers. He didn’t notice Phil at first and Phil wasn’t quite sure what the proper etiquette for this situation was. Not that being deeply awkward was new. Phil wouldn’t consider himself the most awkward person ever if he wasn’t...well... so deeply awkward. 

Dan was waiting for his drink, fingers flying over the screen of his phone, when he heard Phil give his name to the barista taking his order. Phil wasn’t a blusher, not usually, but he definitely felt heat rising in his cheeks when Dan’s head whipped to the side, eyes bright on Phil. 

“Well look what the cat dragged in,” he drawled. 

“I’m allergic to cats,” was all Phil could manage. Dan’s laugh was loud and delighted, filling and brightening the room. Phil was helpless to it, giggling at himself as well. 

“I thought I’d imagined how odd you are,” Dan said. 

Phil shrugged. He was used to hearing he was odd. It was hard, sometimes, to tell whether it was meant as a compliment or an insult. 

“Don’t worry,” Dan said with a wink. “It’s endearing. 

“What’re you doing here?” Phil asked, grasping for a normal conversational gambit. 

“I couldn’t study contract law for a second longer. I thought I’d go mad.” 

“Contract law?” Phil found he was standing close—maybe too close—to Dan at the pickup counter. He wasn’t sure if he’d done it or Dan had. 

“Yep, that’s me. Studying law and hating every moment of it.” Dan’s smile was wry, a twist of his lovely lips, no dimples in sight. “I really can’t afford this but I had to get out and move around.” 

“Same,” Phil said. “Well, without the law part I mean.” 

“I assumed,” Dan said, eyes bright over the rim of the coffee he was already trying to drink. Phil wanted to warn him that it would still be burning hot. He barely bit it back. “Anyway, what’s a nice boy like you doing in a place like this?” 

A lovely deja vu swept through Phil. On its heels was a wave of arousal. He hadn’t had sex with anyone since that night, so Dan had become prime wank fodder in the meantime. Not that he was going to admit that. 

“Pretty much the same. I got tired of being holed up. I can’t afford this drink but I’m getting it anyway. I tend to hermit myself in my apartment when I’m working but I felt like I’d explode if I didn’t get my body moving somehow.” 

“Well,” Dan said, then paused when Phil’s drink came up. He moved back and away, inviting Phil into more conversation despite them both having reason to part. “I could think of one way we could get some exercise that doesn’t involve spending too much money or having to, god forbid, stay out in the real world.” 

“Do these lines really work for you?” Phil laughed. 

“I dunno, are you going to invite me back to your place?” 

Phil laughed, his stupid high pitched laugh. Jimmy always made fun of it, of how when he was truly delighted by something, he tended to stick his tongue between his teeth. 

“You’re adorable,” Dan said, smile now wide. Phil remembered wanting to kiss those dimples that night at the party. He’d forgotten to. He really wanted a second go.

“Adorable?” 

“And hot,” Dan said, reassuring Phil as if maybe Phil would take it as an insult. He hadn’t, but he did definitely like that Dan found him attractive. He wouldn’t have thought Dan was the sort of boy to go back for more with a single person, but Phil was no fool. Dan was amazing in bed, he’d made Phil feel amazing in bed. He’d have to be stupid to say no. 

“Will contract law suffer if I do take you home with me?” 

“Fuck contract law. Seriously.” Dan’s frown was a there-and-gone expression, a fleeting moment before he pulled himself back together to give Phil a winning smile. 

“C’mon then. We can drink these on the way.” Phil started toward the door and Dan followed with that smug, ridiculously attractive grin on his face. 

“Y’know, we’ve actually still spent too much money,” Phil pointed out. Dan shot him a confused look. “You said you could think of a way we could move around without spending too much money.” 

“Oh. my god you spoon,” Dan said, laughing loudly. It was infectious; Phil giggled his way out the door of the coffee shop. “Like you said, it was a pickup line.” 

“Easy as that, eh?” Phil wondered at Dan’s confidence. If he were as beautiful as Dan, and smart to boot, he would probably have confidence in spades. 

Dan gave him a long, assessing look. “That a problem, mate?” 

“Obviously not,” Phil said. He wondered how many people gave Dan trouble or shamed him. “I’m taking you home with me, aren’t I?”

“Hm.” Dan smiled down at his coffee, smug and sure and lovely. “We’ll see who is taking whom, won’t we?” 

Phil could do nothing more but swallow and nod and anticipate with too much eagerness.

* * *

“Fuck, that was amazing,” Dan said, rolling off of Phil, panting and sweating and red-flushed from his cheeks to his chest. 

“Words,” Phil said. 

“Huh?” 

“I can’t words,” Phil managed. He couldn’t. Full sentences were beyond him. His whole body was still singing, coming down slow and gorgeous from Dan’s touch and body and laughter. 

Dan hummed and lay quietly next to Phil. Every now and then he’d push his fingers along Phil’s bicep, or tug on Phil’s fringe lightly. Phil wasn’t sure how to interpret the touches, so he didn’t try. Being with Dan felt so easy. Phil was so often lost in his own head; Dan took him so far out of it. Phil didn’t need to know what came next because the now was so lovely. 

When Dan’s stomach rumbled, loudly, Phil had to laugh. Maybe he had an idea what came next. 

“Hungry?” 

“Oh, I don’t want to im—”

“No, I’m hungry. You’re hungry.” Phil rolled over and looked into Dan’s eyes. “I can’t offer you anything fancy, but I can definitely feed you.” 

Dan’s face did several complicated things Phil didn’t know him well enough to understand, but settled on a soft smile he definitely could. “All right. I could stand being fed.”

* * *

Dan wandered Phil’s apartment while he ate. Phil kept his cereal bowl safely on the counter while he ate. Dan paused at his bookshelf. “Totoro?” He slurred the question around a mouth full of Crunchy Nut, but Phil was able to interpret anyway, seeing as Dan was staring at the large Totoro poster on his wall.

“Yeah.” Phil shrugged and wiped his own mouth. “I love that film.” 

“Me too,” Dan said. “I love Studio Ghibli stuff. _My Neighbor Totoro_ was my favorite.” 

Phil wanted to ask why—he loved it too—but held it back. There was something deeply wistful in the tone of Dan’s voice. Small and maybe young and intimately personal. Maybe not the thing a two-night stand would ask about. Dan continued to wander, stopping occasionally to ask a question about a film or knick-knacks on a shelf. The more he saw, the more Phil realized they had in common. 

“You really are just a massive nerd aren’t you?” Dan put his empty cereal bowl on the counter with a click. 

“You knew what all of that shit was,” Phil pointed out. 

“I haven’t claimed _not_ to be a nerd,” Dan said. 

“Touché. Well, I could be _more_ than just a nerd. Maybe I contain multitudes.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do,” Dan said. He caught Phil’s chin in his wide, warm hand. A long, breathless pause passed. “This was fun, Phil of many facets.” 

“Yeah,” Phil said. He bit his lip, wanting to kiss Dan so badly. _What the fuck, why not?_. 

This time it was Phil who gave a goodbye flavored kiss. In his mind he took a photo of Dan’s smile as he left, bright and smug and satisfied.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bringing sexy back w/ this one
> 
> thx for reading and hand holding puddle and daye! And jane for ch 3 :D and anyone else who has helped and I've forgotten in a tired haze.

How many goodbye flavored kisses could two people have before they had to acknowledge that they weren’t really goodbye kisses so much as _I’ll be running into you somewhere at some point and we’ll definitely end up fucking_ kisses? It seemed Phil ran into Dan _all_ the time—so much that he wondered how often they might have been in the same place at the same time before without ever realizing. 

To be fair, they didn’t always end up sleeping together. Once, when Phil’s mum came to visit he took her to the sky bar, he’d seen Dan eating with another man. They hadn’t spoken, but Dan’s cheeky grin and wink had brought a smile to Phil’s face he had to explain away when his mother asked what was making him so happy. Later, when he had gone to the bathroom, Phil had gotten a good look at Dan’s date. Dan had subtly tipped his head toward him. Phil gave him a thumbs up. His date hadn’t looked too much a lad, and was really hot.

* * *

“Damn, what is it about you?” Dan said over a steaming cup of coffee. Phil was scrounging for something that could pass as a meal. They were starving. Dan’s hair was a curling mess, as he’d opted to shower after they’d fucked. 

Phil wondered if he should find the situation weird, but he didn’t. Phil wasn’t one to try to make himself worry over something on purpose, because he was plenty good at worrying about many, many other things he couldn’t control. He didn’t need extra anxiety. 

On the contrary, being around Dan was a wonderful relief from his worry and anxiety. And it wasn’t just the stress relief of fantastic sex. They just clicked; sometimes they even hung out after sex, talking or playing video games. Those days it almost seemed like they were becoming friends. 

“What do you mean?” Phil sat next to Dan on the couch with his own coffee. Yet again, all he had to offer was cereal, so they passed the box back and forth while eating handfuls of it. Dan’s legs were draped across the couch. He wiggled his toes under Phil’s thigh. 

“I don’t usually end up sleeping with the same guy this many times,” Dan said. Phil could feel the self-satisfied smirk on his face. Dan shook his head. “Don’t you start getting a big head about it Lester.” 

“What me?” Phil brushed at his fringe and tried to hide his smile. Unlike Dan he hadn’t showered and he was sure his hair was some kind of post-sex disaster. He was too relaxed to care. “Never.” 

“Hm.” Dan sipped his coffee and regarded Phil over the rim of the mug. 

“It it a problem, then?” Phil asked, unsure why Dan had brought it up. 

“No, not for you. You’re amazing. I’ve just found that when a guy uses you for sex, he’s not much in for sloppy seconds.” 

“Oi! I’ve never think of you like that—”

“I know that, you dingus.” Dan rolled his eyes and poked Phil’s thigh with a toe. “If it’s not guys who don’t respect me much the next day, it’s guys who are just rubbish in bed.” 

“And that’s it then? Just shitty guys or shitty lays?” 

“Well no,” Dan said and bit his lip. “Lots of good ones…” 

Phil waited a minute for Dan to finish his sentence but he never did. He opened his mouth to say something, anything.

“Well, my dick and I thank you.” Phil closed his eyes in mortification. “Oh, my god, can we pretend like I never said that?” he begged through Dan’s shreiks of laughter. 

“Oh, god, never,” Dan said. He put his coffee down and straddled Phil’s lap, still laughing. Phil wiped at moisture gathered at the corners of Dan’s eyes. “You made me cry-laugh!” 

“Yes, well, good to know someone appreciates me. I’m a man of many talents. Very gifted as saying stupid things, especially at the wrong time, of being fundamentlaly awkward, a little lazy—” 

He was cut off by a kiss. Dan hooked his hands over Phil’s shoulders, drawing him as close as possible. Messy, hard kisses, biting kisses, then after a bit, tempered kisses. 

“What was that?” 

“You’re adorable, Phil Lester,” Dan said. 

“Oooh, ouch,” Phil said. His hands were on Dan’s hips, feeling the flex and give as Dan rocked on his lap slowly. “Just what a man wants to hear when a beautiful boy is sitting on his lap.” 

“I like it,” Dan said. “I like you.”

“I like you too.” Phil gave up on trying to understand what was going on in the conversation. 

“It doesn’t bother you then?” 

“What?” 

“That I’m a slut.” Dan said it matter-of-factly, but when Phil pulled back from where he’d been biting at Dan’s jaw, Dan’s eyes were hard and maybe a little hurt. 

“Don’t say it like that,” Phil said. “Who said it to you like that?” 

“Oh, well. I have a reputation, you know?” Dan lifted a shoulder. 

“There’s nothing wrong with liking sex, nor with wanting to have sex. It’s your body.” 

Dan’s eyes softened. “Yeah?” 

“I like that you like sex Dan. It...I don’t know. It helps me feel more free, or something,” Phil mumbled, stomach clenching with embarrassment. 

“You’re an odd duck, aren't you?”

“Don’t say that, my Mum says that! You can’t do that when you’re—you know!” Phil gestured at their laps. 

“Phil, can I ask you something?” Dan said, low into Phil’s ear. He bit it gently; shivers coursed down Phil’s spine and his hands gripped Dan’s hips reflexively. 

“Yes.” Phil gasped and squirmed, pressing his cock up against Dan’s bum. 

“D’you like it?” 

“This? Yes?” Dan was sucking and biting his way down Phil’s throat. 

“No,” Dan pulled back. “That I like sex?” 

“I’ve just said that, haven’t I?” Phil was working Dan’s shirt off. It snagged on his head and once they’d both gotten it free Dan’s curls were a fluffy mess. Phil ran his fingers through them. 

“Do you ever think about me, with other guys?” 

Phil stilled, hand still in Dan’s hair. “Is that...is that bad?” He swallowed. He didn’t want to be one of _those_ guys, guys that fucked Dan while looking down on him. Dan was so beautiful and uninhibited and pleased with pleasing others. 

“No,” Dan said. He tugged the hem of Phil’s shirt and he took it off obediently. “What do you think about?”

“I dunno.” Phil looked away. 

“No, I wanna hear,” Dan said. 

“I guess…” Phil licked his lips. Dan looked interested, his eyes were wide the way he got when he was turned on. His cock was obviously hard. Phil put his hand on it, relished the way Dan’s impossibly long eyelashes fluttered. “Sometimes I imagine watching you. With someone else.” 

“Mm.” Dan leaned in and kissed him, pulling away with a sharp nip that left Phil’s lips tingling. “Why?” 

“Maybe I just want to enjoy what you look like and what you sound like and how you move. I love them when we’re fucking, but it’s nice to think about just getting to enjoy watching without being distracted by how good those things make me feel.” 

“Like a show,” Dan said. 

Phil nodded. It wasn’t quite like that, but close enough. Dan just filled him up, saturated him with so many sensations, sometimes Phil wished he could just be apart from it, just observe and drink in every way that Dan moved and how his breath would go from low moans to high, pitchy whines when he was about to come. How he looked sucking cock—to happy to be there, so invested in making his partner feel good. How beautiful his spine was, curved and long when he was being fucked, how perfect his hips were for holding on to. 

“Well I can’t give you a show, but maybe I can give you something else,” Dan said. 

“What?” Phil imagined maybe Dan was going to wank for him, which was really a hot image. He could get behind that. 

“Rub my cock, please,” Dan asked. “Over my pants.” 

Phil did. He took time to trace the outline of it, to squeeze and feel the heft of it. Dan bit his lip and sighed. 

“I slept with a bloke once—god he was so hot,” Dan started. “He teased and teased once we were in bed. I thought I might die. The first time he brought me off I hadn’t even taken my pants off yet.” 

Phil closed his eyes, his cock throbbing against Dan’s ass. He pressed the heel of his hand against Dan. Not hard enough to hurt, but with a kind of pressure he knew Dan liked. 

“And then?” 

“And then he fucked me until I was hard again,” Dan said. 

“Bet that didn’t take long.” Phil smirked. 

“Oi! I’m nineteen, it’s natural.” 

“I like it,” Phil said. He inched the elastic waist of Dan’s borrowed flannel pants down. He was bare under them, and when Phil touched the tip of his cock, it was wet with precome.”Tell me more,” he demanded. Dan’s cock jumped under his hand. 

“About him?”

“Anyone,” Phil said. He couldn’t believe he was saying these things, but there was no denying that he liked it. His dick was rock hard. He swiped his thumb over the head of Dan’s dick again and licked the precome off his finger, never once breaking eye contact with Dan. Dan bit his lip. His breathing was shaky. 

“I fucked this guy—met him at a party like you—and I swear I never met anyone who loved using his tongue so much.” 

“You’re pretty champion at it, you know?”

“I do love it. But this guy, _fuck_ , I swear he ate me out for hours.” 

Phil closed his eyes and groaned. He could see it perfectly, how Dan would look, legs spread and eyes closed, moaning, telling this guy just how he liked it. 

“Up,” Phil said, taking Dan by the hips and rolling him off of his lap. 

“Everything o—” Dan shut up when Phil tugged what remained of their clothing off, fast and rough. He pulled Dan back onto him. He took a moment to arrange them so that Dan’s cock was lined up with his own. “Are you going to touch me?” Dan asked, and Phil thought he sounded a little lost maybe. 

“Keep talking,” Phil said. 

“I’d never had a guy do that to me, before,” Dan said after a pause. He sighed when Phil shifted his hips so that their cocks brushed against each other. “I was embarrassed at first, you know?” Phil did know how it felt the first time someone had rimmed him. “But then it was amazing, _fuck_. He built everything up so slow and everything was wet and my skin was on fire. By the time he was fucking me I couldn’t have told you what was up or down, where we were. All that mattered was how it felt, here,” Dan took Phil’s hand, where it had been kneading his ass, and brought a finger against his hole. Phil pressed against it, hard, and moaned when Dan shuddered. 

“C’mon,” Phil said, getting them both off the couch in a messy tangle of awkward limbs. “Bedroom. Condoms and lube.” 

“Oh, it’s like that?” Dan laughed and then squealed when Phil pushed him onto the bed. His legs opened in invitation when Phil moved to lay on top of him. He sucked in a deep breath when Phil rutted against him. It didn’t feel great, exactly. It felt like desperation, like two magnetized bodies, unable to separate. 

“Finger me,” Dan demanded. Phil smiled against the hot skin of Dan’s collarbone. Dan never did hold back in bed. He knew what he wanted and told Phil explicitly. Phil loved it. He slicked up his fingers and knelt between Dan’s legs. The first finger went in easy, smooth, Dan’s body drawing him in. Dan sighed and tilted his hips. 

“Once, this guy brought me off without touching my cock,” Dan said. It was almost conversational, his tone, only Dan’s hands were in his hair and his cheeks were burning flushed. He looked so fucked out already. “Have you ever—?” 

“No,” Phil said, “I don’t think I could.” 

“Yeah that’s what I thought.” Dan bit his lip and nodded to let Phil know to keep going. Carefully, he gave Dan another finger. He knew by now that in the right mood, Dan could easily take four fingers. “He took his time. He knew exactly what he was doing. I think I forgot my own name.” Dan moaned, loud and uninhibited, when Phil added a third. He pressed the thumb of his free hand against Dan’s taint, pressing up and massaging. 

“Fuck, _Phil,_ oh god,” Dan babbled. Phil bit Dan’s knee, overcome by how stunning Dan was. “Phil. Phil, oh—” 

“I’m right here,” Phil said on a strained laugh. Watching Dan fall apart was gorgeous. Phil wanted to fall apart too. “You’re beautiful like this, y’know?”

“No,” Dan said. He opened his eyes and locked them on Phil’s. 

“You’ve been told, I know you have. I’ve told you.” 

“Being told something doesn’t mean believing it,” Dan said, matter of factly. 

Phil moved his free hand so he was leaning up over Dan. He kept fucking his fingers into him in slow, steady thrusts. He could see Dan’s pulse, throbbing in his neck. “You’re really fucking beautiful Dan.” 

Dan bit his lip and moved his hips to take in Phil’s fingers. “I do feel it, sometimes, when I’m with someone. When I’m with you.” 

“Good,” Phil said. He kissed Dan; his lovely lips and his nose and cheeks, the gorgeous dimples Phil was mildly obsessed with. Phil pushed his fingers in, as far as they would go, twisting them just a bit. Phil loved having that done to him, how it made him feel so full, full up to the brim; how it brought tiny shocks of pleasure to his rim. Dan groaned and ground down against him, greedy for more.

“Phil, please, fuck me,” Dan begged. “Please tell me you’ll fuck me.” 

“Okay,” Phil said. The teasing the lighthearted tone of the afternoon had gone, Dan’s words and Phil’s wants morphing into something intense, something that stole the breath from Phil’s lungs. “One more finger, okay?” 

“No, no, now,” Dan said. 

“Dan,” Phil said, then stopped. He hated saying it, hated pointing out that his dick was larger than average, because it seemed so conceited. The truth was that he did have a big dick and that he refused to hurt anyone, ever. 

“Trust me Phil, I can take it.” Dan squirmed away and Phil’s fingers slipped from his body. “I don’t want to think about anyone but you, okay? So come fill me up. Make me forget my name. Make me feel beautiful.” 

And so Phil did.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Dan and Phil break Jimmy with the bants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so okay, hear me out. I am still aiming for 6 chapters but this one got away from me, so we're going to say this might be 7 chapters. Or six and an epilogue that won't really be an epilogue but then no one can call me a liar. 
> 
> This one was all my eyes so really, direct all complaints about poor plotting and proofing to my inbox :D

“Phil, Phil, _Philip_ , oh, my god, you will _not_ believe this,” Jimmy said, bursting through Phil’s unlocked door. To his credit, Phil only half-startled. He’d unlocked his door earlier, knowing Jimmy was coming by. He didn’t respond other than a half-wave. His stupid internship had given him a heap of busy work to do, and while he didn’t _technically_ have to bring it home to finish, he thought it might look better if he completed it on time. With great quantities of passive-aggressive resentment poured in. 

Collating and stapling were not a part of a career Phil had imagined for himself. _Everyone starts small_. He’d started YouTube small, with no aspirations, seeking only a creative outlet for himself. He was more committed than ever to making YouTube work, which meant it was more work, but it was still nothing but a joy. 

This did not bring him joy. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d misstapled something. 

Phil was fucking _failing_ at stapling. 

“Jim, I don’t really have time for your mystery games,” he said. He might have been—okay he definitely was—in a terrible mood. The sheer volume of Jimmy’s voice was enough to send a spike of pain through his head. The headache that had been brewing for the last hour was ramping up. 

“Okay, Captain Grumpy,” Jimmy said, out of breath but still smiling. He just have run up all the stairs to Phil’s apartment. “I’m about to share something with you that is gonna blow your mind.”

Phil sighed and held out his hand for Jimmy’s phone. “Fine then, lets have it.” 

“Uh uh,” Jimmy said. “I need your computer.” 

“No.” 

“Phil, trust me on this.” 

Phil sighed again and rubbed his temples. “This had better be the second coming of Jesus.” He opened his laptop, signed in with his password and quickly closed any questionable tabs and then his whole incognito browser page. He opened a new one and slid the laptop over. 

Jimmy typed quickly and then returned it. He had a YouTube video up. 

“Just press play, don’t scroll okay?” 

Phil barely restrained himself from groaning. Jimmy was _so_ annoying. He hit the spacebar and saw a shot of an empty brown bedroom. The silence lasted about five seconds before a head slowly came into the frame. _Dan’s head_. 

“What the—” Phil hit pause and scrolled down to the username, _danisnotonfire_ , and clicked. There were about twenty videos and, Phil saw, not a small number of followers. 

“I know!” Jimmy pounded the table, overcome by excitement. “And he’s _good_. He’s really funny, I had no idea!” 

Phil smiled. He did. They didn’t always hang out when Dan came over, but when he did, they did a lot of laughing. 

“How did you not know this?” Jimmy asked. 

“I don’t know! We don’t talk that much, y’know?” Well, they talked. And spent non-sex time together. And made each other laugh and tried to cook terrible things out of the random contents of Phil’s cabinets. He didn’t want to lie to Jimmy about this but he knew Jimmy would take it all the wrong way. Dan was someone Phil just clicked with. 

Jimmy smirked. “You fucking dog, I cannot believe you. So is this like, going somewhere?” 

“No,” Phil said. This was why he wasn’t saying anything. Having a sort-of-friend you sometimes had crazy-incredible sex with wasn’t a very _Phil_ thing to do. He was kind of tired of that Phil. _This_ Phil wasn’t worried or stressed about his arrangement with Dan, but Jimmy was sure to have many things to say, some of which might get into Phil’s head. Phil was not about that right now. 

Phil browsed Dan’s page, checking out titles and thumbnails. Oh, he was going to have so many great things to watch tonight, headache be damned. 

“This is so unlike you,” Jimmy said. “I think I might be worried.” 

“What?” Phil’s head popped up. “No, don’t be. Everything is fine, I promise. I like Dan, and we have fun, but it’s not a _thing_.”

“Because he doesn’t do that kind of _thing_?” 

“Oi, don’t go there.”

“Where?” Jimmy put his hands up, a _who me_ gesture that would fool literally no one. “I didn’t mean it like that, you know I don’t listen to gossip and I don’t judge.” 

“Well—”

“Phil, really you know me better than that. And I know you. I know you’re on that stupid dating app and that before that party you’d had a dry spell so tragic I was starting to consider having more sex just for you.”

“Fuck off,” Phil said through his laughter. “You just wanted more sex for yourself.” 

“Well,” Jimmy said. “It certainly would have been a bonus.” 

“And anyway, yeah, I still want to find someone to date.” Theoretically. “I’ve been on dates!” One, and it had been awful. “Nothing’s really working out.” Absolutely not a lie. “But it’s not like I’ve put my life on pause.” It didn’t _feel_ like he was, which basically meant he wasn’t. “It’s just nice. It’s fine. I promise.”

“You sure?” Jimmy did look a little mollified.

“ _Yes_. I already have one mum, I don’t need two.” 

Jimmy smiled and reached for Phil’s stapler. 

“What are you doing?” 

“The faster you finish this shit, the sooner you can get to watching those videos. Go take some medicine first though, I can see your headache from here.”

* * *

“ _Dan._ ” Phil let Dan in, forcing himself to look stern. 

“Wot?” Dan was setting down his messenger bag, one shoe off, toes in the process of prising the other off. 

“You’ve been keeping secrets,” Phil said. He pressed his lips together to try to contain a smile. Dan squinted and took off his other shoe. 

“Er,” Dan said, “I’m...confused.” 

Phil executed a pefect _Dan salute_ and then made little brackets with his hands. “Hi. My name is Dan.” 

“Oh, my god no,” Dan moaned, and covered his eyes. “Anything but that. Please tell me you watched something other than that.” 

Phil cracked up, laughing so hard he got a stitch in his side. Dan’s face was red-splotchy, the way it got when he was feeling something intensely. “I did, I watched all of them.” 

Dan fluffed his hair and then tugged it right back down. “Oh?” His face did a thing Phil _thought_ meant he was mildly pleased. Or shy and pleased. He’d have to study Dan’s face over a longer period of time in order to learn all the ins-and-outs. Didn’t sound like a horrible task to be honest. 

“C’mon,” Phil said, catching Dan’s hand and pulling him to the couch. Once Dan was settled, Phil tucked his legs under himself and turned toward him. “I think they’re brilliant. You’re so funny.” 

“Really?” Dan looked down at his hands. Phil had never seen this side of Dan. He wouldn’t call it uncertainty exactly. His smile was nothing like the smiles he gave Phil in bed when they were pleasing each other. This one was small and sweet.

“Yes.” 

“How did you even find me?” Dan asked. 

“Jimmy did, actually. He has a channel—well, um…” It was Phil’s turn to fiddle with his own fingers. “I kind of have one too.” 

“Shut up!” Dan pulled his phone out of his very, very tight jeans. “What’s your name?”

“God, it’s kind of embarrassing.”

“More than _danisnotonfire_?” 

Phil took a breath, covered his face with his hands and said “I’m _AmazingPhil._ ” 

“What?” Dan tugged Phil’s hands down. 

“ _AmazingPhil_ ,” he said. Dan’s fingers were flying over his phone. “But don’t watch them right now. Or at least, don’t start at the beginning.” 

“Mate, you’ve been doing this since 2006? Holy shit, Phil, you have like, a following!” Dan was scrolling rapidly. Probably looking at his thumbnails like Phil had. 

“I kind of started before it was even a thing,” Phil said. “Like, I got a camera as a cereal prize and just...talked for a while and uploaded it.” 

Dan looked up at him and gifted him with another smile he’d never seen before. “Can I watch some? You can tell me which ones.” 

“You really want to?” Phil asked. 

“Yes, dingus. Of course I do. I wanna be an _AmazingPhil fanboy_.” 

Phil sighed and then took Dan’s phone, scrolling to find "Robot Death Machine". He figured if Dan still wanted to watch after that he could let Dan do the "Interactive Space Adventure".

* * *

They watched Phil’s videos for a couple of hours, taking breaks for Dan’s laughter and questions. 

“Your editing is so cool, god, I wish I had any idea how to do this stuff. I’m rubbish at it.”

“I kind of learned as I went. And I mean, the Masters really influenced my video quality.” 

“Yeah, I can see that,” Dan said. “Would you…”

“What?” Phil prompted. 

“This is...oh what the hell. Would you maybe be willing to give me editing tips sometime?” 

“Yeah, of course.” Phil said. “I’d love to.”

It didn’t occur to him until later that evening that Dan had come over and they hadn’t had sex. Not just that, but he was having such a genuinely good time he hadn’t even noticed. He’d told Jimmy everything was good with Dan, that he had nothing to worry about. The night after Jimmy left, while Phil was busy binging Dan’s videos, he’d _really_ realized for the first time that Dan was a boy Phil could be such good friends with. Dan on camera was a different kind of magnetic than the boy he knew in and out of his bed. He was someone Phil would have loved to have been friends with all along.

That part was a little complicated, if only because Phil wasn’t sure Dan would say they were friends. Phil thought they were, but he wasn’t sure and he was pretty sure friendship had to be a two way thing to really count. 

But after an afternoon spent laughing together and looking through old videos, complimenting each other’s humor and approach to making videos, Phil was a whole lot more sure about the friendship bit. It wasn’t just that Phil felt like they clicked. Dan seemed to _get_ Phil on a level no one, not even Jimmy, did. What’s more, he got the same vibe from Dan.

* * *

Phil was laughing so hard he could hardly open the door for Jimmy when he rang up, much less get out a coherent hello. 

“Mate,” Jimmy said, hands on his hips. From the sofa came a pterodactyl-like shriek followed by a string of expletives so crass even Jimmy was pressed to shut the door in a hurry. 

“Soz. Dan’s playing Halo,” Phil explained. A gurgling sort of muffled rage scream came next. “And is fucking balls at it,” he shouted over his shoulder. 

“Oi! Fuck off, what would you know, you managed to kill yourself before anyone could get to you on your last go!”

Jimmy paused, half-way out of his coat. “Is this like, a weird mating ritual? Should I go?” 

“No, you idiot, c’mon.” Phil pulled Jimmy in. Dan was flopped on the armrest of the couch, face buried dramatically in the cushion. “Dan, Jimmy. Jimmy, Dan.” 

Dan flopped the hand not holding a controller in their direction. 

“You starting another match?” Phil asked. 

“Not with you around,” Dan countered, rolling over. “I think it’s bad for your self-esteem.” 

“Big words from someone who was just biting a remote,” Phil said. Dan flipped him off. 

“How did you know that?” Jimmy asked. He stood awkwardly while Phil pushed Dan’s legs off the couch, then sat gingerly when Phil gestured at the space he’d created. 

“He was making his controller-biting noise,” Phil said, sinking to sit cross legged on the floor. 

“His controller-biting noise?” Jimmy said. 

“You’re one to talk,” Dan said, finally sitting up from his awkward sprawl. He pushed his hair out of his face. “Oh! I know you!” 

“You do?” Jimmy asked. 

“Yeah your’re friends with whatsisname!” 

“Er. Yes?” 

“Probably.” Phil shrugged. 

“He sucked,” Dan said.

“Most likely,” Phil followed. 

“Wanna go?” Dan asked. 

“What the fuck is happening?” Jimmy rubbed his eyes. 

“Do you want a go at the game?” Dan explained patiently.

Phil raised his eyebrows and tried his very hardest not to laugh. Jimmy shook his head. “Yeah, er. I’m fine. You just…” he waved at Dan. Dan handed Phil the controller. 

“Phil, seriously this time, you can’t—no! _Nonono_ you dumbass, _arggggg_ , you can’t, how—” Dan covered his face with his hands. It was impossible not to laugh, even when Dan was insulting him. “How are you so bad at this?”

“You’re distracting me!” Phil said. It was possible he was losing on purpose to wind Dan up. He couldn’t help it; Dan was just so funny. Jimmy was shooting him looks—he knew Phil was better at Halo than he’d just shown. He didn’t say anything. Instead he watched Dan and Phil trade turns and after less than ten minutes even he was laughing so hard he was gasping for breath. 

“I can’t!” Dan stood up, hitting Phil over the head with a throw cushion. “I cannot _even_ with you, you dingleberry.” 

“You boys should do this together,” Jimmy pointed out. 

“We are?” Phil glanced at him curiously. 

“No like, you should do a video together. For one of your channels. You’re funny like this.” 

“Like, of us gaming?” Dan asked, fiddling with his hair. He’d used to do that all the time when they’d first started hanging out, but not so much anymore. Jimmy was new to Dan. Phil would bet a lot of money that were Dan trying to fuck Jimmy, nerves would be the last thing on his mind. Jimmy wasn’t a potential fuck, not right now. Right now he was Phil’s friend and, unless Phil was completely mistaken, Dan was trying to make a good impression. 

“Yeah, or of whatever.” Jimmy shrugged and stood up, then went to rummage in Phil’s kitchen. 

“He doesn’t have anything,” Dan called. “We ate the last of the cereal.”

“Phil, honestly,” Jimmy said, looking over his shoulder with what could only be described as a combination of pity and exasperation. “Do you even buy food other than cereal?”

“Yes!” He did. He just tended to not buy enough, go through it fast, and ended up ordering pizza or takeaway for the rest of the week. Definitely not the most responsible choice, considering the whole ‘want to prove I can take care of myself by paying the rent alone’ business. Then again, no one had ever taught him to cook, and he’d never taken it upon himself to learn more than a few basics so...he kinda couldn’t. 

Which wasn’t the important part. The important part was acting insulted by the twin looks of fond pity he was getting from his friends. 

“It’s no use,” Dan was saying to Jimmy. “He’s just going to suggest takeaway now.” 

“Hey, get out of my brain you demon!” 

“God, are the two of you always like this?” Jimmy asked. 

_Not when we fuck_ Phil almost said. He bit it back at the last second, but judging from the glimmer of laughter in Dan’s eyes, he’d been thinking something similar. Not that they fucked nearly as much as they had before. Or well. No. They did fuck more than they had. They also hung out more, and often without fucking. The ratio of friendship with and without fucking had to be skewed...oh god. Maths were never his strong suit. 

“Define _this_?” Phil said instead. 

“Oh bugger it. Pizza?” 

“Pizza,” he and Dan said simultaneously.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops we tripped into feelings. It’s a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like, so many thanks to jane and puddle who got me through this chapter. 
> 
> **This story is complete.**
> 
> That said there may be an epilogue or time stamp brewing, we will see. 
> 
> Happy birthday cat!!

“Phil?” Dan looked up from the glass of Ribena he’d been contemplating for a while. Phil looked up from his laptop. The floor in front of the television was strewn with Dan’s study materials. As far as Phil could see, Dan hadn’t touched them once since setting them out. Phil hadn’t pressed; Dan hated his courses and Phil didn’t want to be the place he went to feel more pressure in school. 

“Yeah?” Phil pushed his glasses up. He was still in flannel pants and a well-worn shirt whose neck was so stretched out Phil had to keep hitching it up to cover his shoulder. 

“You know you didn’t have to spon me, right?” 

“Well, of course I know I didn’t _have_ to,” Phil said. “Your stuff is so good Dan.” 

“Yeah?”

Phil slipped down onto the floor to sit next to Dan. “Look, I’d do it for any friend, but I swear, your stuff is the kind of thing I’d spon even if we weren’t friends.” 

“We are friends.” Dan said it oddly. Not at all directed toward Phil, but as if he were reminding himself. Phil wasn’t sure how to respond. They’d referred to each other as friends before. They spent almost all of their free time together. To be honest, and he’d never say this to Jimmy, he considered Dan his best friend. Maybe it was fast, thinking that of someone he’d met a few months ago. But it just _was_. Their friendship felt like something that existed before they’d ever even gotten there. 

“We’re _definitely_ friends,” Phil confirmed. 

“You’re…” Dan’s eyes were shining when he met Phil’s eyes. “You know, you’re probably the best friend I’ve ever had.” 

“Really?” Phil didn’t even try to hide the wide, pleased smile lighting up his face. 

“I’ve never really had a best friend before, you know.” 

Phil bit his lip. Dan had never been like this before, vulnerable and almost small. For the first time Phil could remember, Dan seemed his age, young and unsure. Phil rarely felt the near five year gap in their ages, so it was more than odd. Phil put his hand on Dan’s knee. 

“If I tell you something you promise not to tell anyone?” Phil said, low and close to Dan. Dan smiled and nodded. 

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had too.” 

Dan’s smile then was brilliant-beautiful, something welling from deep inside him. He shifted closer to Phil and put his head on Phil’s shoulder with a sigh. It wasn’t exactly comfortable on the floor like they were, but Phil was happy to sit with Dan so long as he needed, and he so clearly needed it.

* * *

“Hey Dan,” Phil said one evening. “Remember how Jimmy said we should do a collab?”

“Yeah?” Dan tilted his whole body to the left, jabbing his fingers at the controller so hard Phil thought he might injure himself.

“So I’ve had like, fifty requests from followers for us to do a Q&A.” 

“What, really?” Dan’s eyes darted over to Phil, long enough for him to drive himself straight off a cliff right as he was about to cross the finish line. “Fucking fuckballs! _Ugh_.” He threw the remote down and glared at Phil’s laughter. 

“Yes, really,” Phil said. “Apparently our tweets are so riveting they want to see what we’re like in real life.” 

“Oh,” Dan said. He settled back into the couch and fiddled with the strings of his Manchester hoodie. Dan didn’t wear red like that often; Phil thought him extraordinarily beautiful in bright colors. Maybe just because it was new, and different. Or because the longer they knew each other, the more beautiful Dan was to him. 

It had been weeks since they’d last fucked. Which was fine. It wasn’t weird exactly. Phil could sense a skittishness from Dan ever since their conversation about being best friends. Obviously, were Dan to make any offer, Phil would gladly have sex with him. He missed it. But he’d definitely miss _Dan_ a whole lot more if it made things weird. They’d been friends who had sex for a while now, but this was different. Their conversation had changed something for Dan. Something really deep. 

The thing was, Phil knew now that it wasn’t just that Dan hadn’t had a best friend before. Now, when they spoke late into the night, Dan told him about his life before uni. About how lonely and isolating keeping the secret of his sexuality—even from himself—had been. Dan amazed Phil, really, with how he’d come to a new city and turned all of those doubts into something good, turned his feelings about sex into something positive, into something fun that made him feel good, empowered and happy. Phil knew how hard that was, making a transition from a small town life, a small town self hiding a secret, to learning to love who he was and who he was meant to be. 

Whatever was going on, Phil was determined not to worry. So long as he had Dan in his life, he would be happy. What he felt for Dan was...deep. Deep enough Phil wasn’t sure he was ready to look at it. He was really good at compartmentalizing, and so that’s what he did. He could wait to figure his stuff out until Dan did. 

“All right,” Dan said after a while. “But Phil, promise me something.” 

“Anything,” Phil said automatically. 

“Wait ‘til you hear what it is, you div!” Dan laughed, eyes scrunched, dimples fluttering in and out of view. 

“Waiting patiently,” Phil said in his best imitation of a robot voice. 

“You...you don’t think this is because I want more followers or am riding your coattails? Like, that I’d want to do this to take adv—” 

“Oh, my god, _you_ are the div,” Phil said. “I’d never think that. I know you Dan, c’mon.” 

“All right then. But I guess I should do my revising first.” 

Phil took a chance, running his fingers through Dan’s hair. “I reckon so. Maybe this weekend, unless you’ve plans.” 

Dan pushed him and laughed. “Don’t be stupid.”

* * *

“Phil, mate, some of these are the weirdest questions. Like ever.” Dan was going back over his list of potential questions while they were on a small rehydration break from filming. Phil’s face muscles hurt from laughing. 

“Well, they follow me, they’d have to be weird,” Phil said. 

“Shut up, that just means they’re smart,” Dan said. He was stretched out on the floor, knees up and ankles crossed. He was wearing a wide-necked shirt and another cardigan, collarbones beautiful arches that begged to be kissed. Phil had gotten to touch Dan more in this Q&A session than he had in weeks. Which meant he got to smell Dan, right up close. Got to feel the surprising weight of his body, the way Dan always seemed to trust him with it. “But they’re all so tame. For people who were dying for us to do this—”

“My fans aren’t perverts like yours.” 

“Shut up, you’re a pervert,” Dan said, crumpling up his paper and tossing it at Phil. 

“Careful! Don’t want to lose this, one day it’ll go in the _danisnotonfire_ hall of fame. This kind of shit is important innit?”

“More like the _AmazingPhil_ hall of fame.” They smiled at each other; Phil’s smile was goofy, maybe too much. Feelings he was determined not to think about just yet were leaking through. He cleared his throat and looked away, uncrumpling the paper on his knee. 

“Dan, you’ve the worst handwriting I’ve ever seen. How can you even read this?”

“Honestly? Sometimes I can’t,” Dan confessed, giggling into his hands. 

“All right, let’s do this,” Phil said, sitting back down in front of the camera cross-legged before he did something stupid like kiss Dan.

* * *

There were times when Phil’s body did things long before his brain thought them through. Or even informed him he was going to do them. Tackling Dan right as he was delivering the last line of their video was not planned. 

And maybe it was Dan’s body underneath him that triggered a muscle memory burned bright into Phil’s body, or his sweet, soft “Oh!”, that found Phil kissing Dan without even meaning to. A kiss like conversation, soft at first, then surprised, Dan’s breath high and questioning even as he bit at Phil’s lips. Too soon and not soon enough it was a kiss that spoke to hunger, to desperate need, to grateful submission, to a chemistry Phil had never had with anyone else. 

And Dan, _oh_ , Dan was with him. Dan’s legs were around his waist and his hands fisted in the material of Phil’s shirt. When Phil bent to finally, finally pay Dan’s collarbones the attention they deserved, Dan didn’t ask him to stop. Dan didn’t freeze or indicate that he didn’t want this. 

Quite the opposite. 

“Phil,” he whispered, a little broken and husky, “Phil, please.” 

“Yeah?” Phil leaned up to look into Dan’s eyes. His heart was pounding so hard he thought Dan could surely feel it through his chest. 

Dan’s face was all dimples and flushed cheeks, dark eyes and a lot of happiness. “Yeah. But maybe not on the floor, because it’s hard.” 

Phil laughed then; laughter that was some relief. This was a language they shared, something so easy they didn’t need words. Their bodies spoke for them. Phil needed that sometimes, when words and feelings were hard. He laughed because it reminded him of their first time, when Dan had told him he was adorable. It was the first of many times Dan had called him adorable, or odd, or cute, or strange, or any number of things he’d been called by others, but never so sweetly or honestly like something someone might _want_.

The lights were off in Phil’s room. It was late afternoon, with the waning light of day buttering the light, making Dan’s skin all soft gold and temptation. They pulled each other’s clothes off in a hurry, rushing without finesse, kissing the whole time. Today it was Phil who pushed Dan onto his bed. It was Phil who climbed on top of him and took his hands in his and threaded their fingers together on the bed. 

“What?” Dan asked between kisses. They were both smiling so much they were failed kisses, but surely the best Phil had shared with someone, ever. 

“Would you fuck me, maybe?” Phil asked. 

“Really? You sure?” Dan had fingered him before, but he’d never fucked Phil. It had never seemed like a _thing_ really. Phil wasn’t often in the mood and Dan loved it so much that whenever they did progress that far, it was always Dan asking for it. 

“Yeah,” Phil said. He nipped at Dan’s lower lip, then his chin. He took one of Dan’s hands and threaded it between his legs, pressing his fingers against his hole. “I _really_ want you to. Like, I might literally die.”

“Shut up you great spoon.” Dan’s laughter was much too adorable for someone who was currently massaging someone’s rim with the kind of practiced confidence he was. Phil closed his eyes and squeezed the fingers of Dan’s other hand. “Roll on to your back for me?” Dan said, quietly. Phil nodded and did. He stuffed a pillow under his hips, knowing Dan would understand what he wanted then. He needed to see Dan’s at every turn, to memorize each expression that would cross his face. 

They didn’t speak. They didn’t have to. Dan read each of Phil’s sharp inhales, slowing or speeding this fingers by reading the need or nerves in each sound. He kissed Phil into pliancy, took great care with Phil’s body in the kind of way only very familiar lovers do. It had been a long, long time since Phil had done this. He’d never told Dan that, but Dan treated him like he knew. His patience was beautiful, a layer of pleasure on top of each sensation Dan was giving him already. Dan’s fingers searching for Phil’s prostate, his mouth warm on Phil’s cock, his whispered kisses to the insides of Phil’s thighs; his smiles and gasps, said everything Phil needed to know. 

When he finally, finally slipped into Phil, it was easy. He was so ready, on the precipice of something huge. Something that might have scared Him if he weren’t in Dan’s hands. If Dan’s eyes weren’t on his the whole time. If Phil’s name, whispered quiet and broken when Dan bottomed out, wasn’t spoken like Phil was a revelation. 

Phil arched his back, his body moving on instinct, finding and chasing pleasure. Opening himself more and more to the delicious throbbing curling so hot and easy in his pelvis, radiating out through his limbs, tingling in his fingers. 

“Dan, oh, _shit_.” Phil wrapped his fingers around Dan’s shoulders. He was shaking, in the grip of something he’d never felt before, not in his heart or his body. 

“I have you,” Dan whispered. He touched his lips to Phil’s cheek and then his mouth. “It’s okay.” He spoke into a kiss, sealing the words between them, just for them. 

Phil’s orgasm came on like a surprise and before he could stop or warn Dan he was curling into it, helpless to it. 

“I love you,” he said, then gasped and said it again, and again, the words pulled from him as his orgasm had been; surprising, sudden, unstoppable.

* * *

Dark cradled them. Night had fallen while they lay, spent and dazed, comfortable and close in the quiet. Dan couldn’t seem to stop touching Phil. His fingers were in Phil’s hair. They traced his eyebrows and mouth, lingering to Phil could kiss them. For a long time, Phil let himself lay in the whiteout after-pleasure, not thinking, not filtering. Dan had blown something so wide open in him. He’d unpacked all of Phil’s boxes, shaken down the walls that compartmentalized all of the things Phil was waiting to think about, to feel, to acknowledge. 

“Did you mean it?” Dan asked, hours later. They were curled as close as they could be, a mess of arms and legs and sweat. 

“Yeah.” Phil’s lips were tucked up into Dan’s neck, chin brushing his collarbones. “I really do.” 

Dan held himself still for a long moment. Maybe Phil should have been afraid, worried he’d gone to far or misread what they’d shared. But he wasn’t. 

“I love you too,” Dan said. Phil closed his eyes and pulled Dan even closer.

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say, cat, daye, puddle and jane, y'all bring out the chaos demon in me and this is what happens.
> 
> If you like, reblog on [tumblr](https://judearaya.tumblr.com/post/190457715587/fic-share-you-like-an-island-complete)!


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